my father's daughter. and the cigarettes. and the blonde hair almond eyes jaw line. today is jazz but later. lewis the pirate. tom the body builder. some girls from harvard. lauren. i had this dream the other night in which i found myself causally performing coitus with some girl, who i apparently knew in the dream. but before it all went down i asked her if she had any diseases. she said no. okay. the act itself was mildly painful and uncomfortable. needless to say i didn't really enjoy it, but went along with the whole ordeal anyway. when everything was said and done, i got up, and proceeded to play the harp. there were giant piles of meat. the dogs came from miles.

today i look exactly like river phoenix in :stand by me.: the moments i have to relax are unenjoyable. i feel restless and upset. no one calls or writes. i have to keep myself moving forward. occupied. remember the importance of both. disdain wells up inside of me. then the fear and the sadness. and i hate everyone. and i drink. and i smoke too many cigarettes. i miss my bike. it was yellow.