People are funny things. Sometimes I don't feel like a human being. I feel like I'm just watching these ugly looking animals that don't make any sense half the time. Like I'm a housecat. Just watching. Speaking of housecats, mine just fell off the couch. Oh, Martha... Anyway. I find that half the time, all I'm ever doing is watching, observing these creatures scampering, prowling all over the place, doing crazy things, and speaking this language that boggles my mind. For-shizzle???? Wha? I wonder if I'm crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lot different compaired to everyone else. But at the same time, considering the fact that we are all on center stage/in the spotlight of our own lives, I'll bet that I'm just as boring as the next person. I'd like to think otherwise. I'd like to think that I'm interesting, that people think of me as something unique. But in the long run, I suppose it really doesn't matter anyway. Soon enough I'll get cancer, die, and be six feet under, forgotten by all. That's really depressing. Hmmm. Yeah, that's really really depressing. Yet, at the same time, I'm living a life. I'm a part of this big crazy world, and I'm just lumped into this big group of possible consumers. The only people who really care are companies it seems. For instance, the cigarette companies. Will I buy there cigarettes? They sure hope so, make some profit, a "replacement smoker" for my father. I hate this sense of mortality that I get. This sense of gradual death and decay. Like what the fuck does anything matter. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna be forgotten. I'm in this split second of time, which is pretty much ordinary. It makes me not give a fuck about myself. But at the same time, There are people I love, and they are all I have in life, and soon enough they will be part of the soil I stand on. As far as the things I own, I couldn't care less, as far as I go, I don't even know what I think about that. All that really matter are the people I love. It almost makes me wish I didn't care about anyone, not even myself for that matter. Life. Augh. I hate thinking the way I do sometimes. Stupid winter not helping. Sometimes it just seems like nothing will ever help me, and no one will ever get me. I've been practically alone in my own mind my whole life, and I suppose it just might stay that way forever. Wow, I'm being really introspective and depressing. Let's see...kitties are nice, and, yeah, kitties does it for me. If there is anything that keeps me going, it's kittens. They sure are cute.