3:50 pm.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday. I'm angry. Almost very angry. Angry and frusterated. I hate when I get this way. Nothing ever solves it. Nothing ever solves anything. Something doesn't even solve anything. I'm pretty sure that life is just futile, and my goal is to do eveything that I want to do or be. Which of course, won't happen, because even though life is futile that doesn't mean that you ever get a chance.

3:54 pm.


11:25 pm.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday. Sometimes I can't help but feel like such a failure in life. Like I can't achieve anything I set out to do. Then I just feel futile, because life is so short and seemingly obsolete. I feel nauseus. Goodnight.

11:28 pm.


11:43 pm.

Tomorrow is a Thursday. Tonight I began my swimming venture. Hopefully that has a possitive outcome. This evening, my father and I were talking about our culture and society. I brought up the fact that we are constantly over diagnosing ourselves. Let's say someone begins to lack perspective in life. They study and ponder and brew on something that is depressing them at the time, and/or has been for a while. They feel depressed, therefor they are in fact depressed, so the doctor gives them a handfull of Prozac and sends them off. Now, I'm not saying that people aren't depressed. There are those who have issues with chemical imbalances and need medication. But our society alows people to get practically whatever medication they want. For example, a girl I know has ADD, or so she says, she is perscribed 30 pills A DAY. And you know what she does with all those pills? She sells them, to the pathetic, narcissistic "druggies" that are so fuckin' tripped out and self-absorbed that I want to puke. People can't see beyond what they are experiencing at the moment, so they cop-out, make the excuse, "I'm depressed," or "I have ADD," and head to the doctor to fill a new prescription. It just seems like our culture has learned to make excuses for the things they don't want to deal with.

On a lighter note, I know what I want to do in life. And that, my friends, is be a musician. I laugh at myself for thinking that, because I'm pretty sure everyone has wanted to be a music type person at one point or another, even people who are already made. Like Billy Bob Thorton or Jennifer Love Hewitt (How the hell does a person get such a stupid name anyway??? I personally wouldn't buy the CD just because of her name, not to mention that, well, her taste sucks anyway [in my opinion]. All anyone is going to think about when she's singing is, "She was in a lot of Scream movies.") or the kid from the Goonies, Mouth. Was he joking? I just can't say. Anyhow, I am a really bad speller, I was always the first one out in the Spelling Bees. What the hell were those anyway? All they did was lower my self-esteem, and hey kids, look at me now...

12:12 am.


2:40 pm.

Tomorrow is a Monday. I feel ill. Trying to improve upon yourself is so difficult. I am trying to change. And right now I don't feel like writing anything.

2:42 pm.