2:54 am.

Tomorrow is a Saturday. Right now I have this crippling fear of being nothing. It isn't even a fear of being nothing. It's also a fear of settling for less and being disapointed. Which I already am. I am so impatient right now. Things are moving so slowly and unproductivly. I want to be past all of this "transitioning" and move onto what really matters. I can only see myself being something great, not mediocre. I have never felt that way about myself. But I feel that if I am to settle for less then I might as well die now, because that disapointment would end my joy anyway. I want music. It feels so out of my reach. I don't know how to pursue it. So how can I perfect it? How can I excel then? I'm so tired. I'm trying to realize the contentment recieved from just knowing I have food to eat and clothes to wear, but it's still not enough. I want it all. I want completion and fulfillment. I don't mind being a seeker, as long as I know what I'm seeking. I don't even know that yet. So far behind. I think of all the people who have influenced my life, in good ways or bad. I wish I could tell them all. I wish I could say, "You, you ruined my life," or "You opened my eyes." If only. Maybe I will be able to some day.

3:03 am.