accepted the present state of being
a hypothetical fuck up
are you worried?
no one can tell anymore.
just too god damn selfish.
the whole lot.
the idea of humanity
is a common misconception.

eyes go in and out of focus
and how i should feel?
good riddance to bad rubbish
please just take me out of here.

having felt much better now
but my god, requiring something else
novel and fresh
youre so scattered she said
smashed into the carpet
so spattered on the walls
stained on nice clean
permanently pressed polypropylene
just dont know where you are.
not physically speaking either

me, so sorry and feeling
ive scared some people tonight
drank a fair share
felt too good for my own good
only in my own head
now left alone

the concept of humanity
is a commonly misplaced idea

i half expected anyone to call tonight
my mistake
my my my

[i can’t tell if now is a good or a bad time to try new things. i have a terrible feeling i might self-destruct. but i always feel that way. so i suppose it doesn’t really matter when or where things go down. i have an image of myself in a mental institution years from now. oh well. we shall see. it frightens me to think that drug made me feel so tremendous. better than i have ever felt in my entire life. not euphoric to any degree, just incredibly content with life and delighted by every emotion. ok computer never sounded so sweet. we all live life at our own paces. i’m glad i had that experience all to myself.]

++++ +

mourning mourning mourning the loss of everything i never had the gumption to say. fearing i haven't made myself clear enough for the world to understand. sapping the life out of myself, and how is that possible? why do we always forget how great we are. why do you always forget how good i am? so transcendently loving. it hurts me so much.

this is my final fit
my final belly ache

+