fortherecord:4-12-05

taking comfort in nothing
i cut my hair off to spite excessive nature
the world tells me i glow
a little girl
shining like bleached teeth
an old woman
wondering where the weight of the world has gone
but i have not misplaced it
the only thing that disappoints me
is the feelings of created inadvertent fallacies
a walking breathing misunderstanding
the accurate outsiders perception is gone
and what of it i suppose
nonetheless
i would like to wear my heart on my sleeve
just like they told me not to do.



i had better tell myself to cool down
and take it easy
i could reverse the world with a heartbeat
right now in anticipation
of all i’ve never done
here’s the big chance
here is my time
to stuff my face
with foreign fibers
and create the night
i’ve dreamt and read about
in books
it’s the
i saw it in a movie once
instance
i promised mom i wouldn’t
i promised dad i wouldn’t dream
and come tomorrow
i’ll have lied twice

everything that seemed like such a good idea
never really did
i just wanted it to be done

i began to think that if my blood flowed backwards i could reverse time.

here we go now.
…..
…
.

you have to put yourself first.
is what he told me.
you have to put yourself first.
please.

my motor skills are failing
rather.
i seem to have failed them
so sorry.

i can do whatever i please.
i can do whatever i please.
and i will, i will.
just wait. look out.
you’ll see.
hey…. hey… hey…
this moment is mine.
i think i should be scared.
but i feel to nice and neat- complete right now.
we should do this again some time.
not too worried. not so much.
not scatterbrained.
:any fool can easy pick a hole. i only wish i could fall in.:
right here. i’m not. scatterbrained.
i wish you could see me now.
but not really.
they say
the first hit is always free.
i’d like to put myself together.
i did for now. we are things so temporary.
why are things so temporary.
i broke some promises.
for that i’m sorry sort of.
you understand. it was bound to happen, sometime.
the sort of person i am.

sometimes we can’t listen to our favorite songs anymore
spoiled by nostalgia. tainted by the passing of time.
do the best you can
to love now
think in temporary terms
instances of incapable reconstruction
the impossible relivings of life, forever irreplaceable
irreparable damages done to bodies
moments lacking regret
and looking back to sigh
we laugh

+++++++++++


put on you sunglasses
radiohead is alive and well within me
.