the condition of my job situation, has rapidly gone from bad to absolute torment. the end of my shift involves a strong urge to crawl under a table, into the fetal position, and weep, while slowly rocking back and forth. which is unfortunate. all i do is serve food to people. and i'm good at it. stating this and knowing the truth behind it makes me question whether or not i should be ashamed of this life. that i know so much about eggs. ways to prepare them. i talk about eggs for twelve hours a day. and somehow, still manage to enjoy eating them. there are points within the night where i find myself completely aloof with madness. i just stand in front of the grill for about thirty seconds saying the word "eggs." speaking the four letter word in a manner of desperation. reminiscent of a marlon brando screaming stella. madness i tell you. just madness. lately however, i've been increasingly depressed about being at my job. i desperately try to snap out of it. but from time to time i find myself hiding in the bathroom, smoking cigarettes, staring into the stained mirror, crying to myself. calling my mother and telling her i think i'm dying all the time. i have cancer. i just know it. so apart from being depressed, stressed out and in a terribleplace, and frantic about life, i constantly have death looming over my thoughts. then the crazies come in, and i realize, well, if the cancer doesn't get me, these bastards surely will. what is the statistic probability that i will be shot or stabbed. or asked out on a date. or told i am "sexy." what does that even mean. i absolutely despise flattery in the work place. or anywhere for that matter. how can someone simply look at me and then say, "i would like to take you out." or "give me your number." or "hey, i been lookin fer somebody to be lickin.." oh really? that sounds like such a good time, honestly, i would just love to partake in such a romantic experience with someone i've never met before, who's probably old enough to be my dad. gee whiz that sounds like a swell time.

but now all of that is over for the night. and i sit in the shade slowly devouring giant hunks of fruit. it isn't that i'm eating daintily, or gracefully taking small bites of pineapple from a larger portion, no, i'm thoughtlessly and very slowly shoving huge pieces of fruit into my gaping hungry mouth. almost catatonically. staring off into the brick wall in front of me. realizing i will sleep soon, and then wake, put on my uniform and walk right back into that same cement box to serve fried goods. doing the world a great disservice. one waffle at a time.