exceptionally tired now but peaceful. feeling fine albeit achy, not too much to take care of. i would like to recap. check my progress as this person. be confused by the brains strategies. knowing they are there. is the brain one giant justification of itself? how is it even possible for us to study ourselves. how bizarre and seemingly impossible. ohwell. i'm missing my favouites and loathing the fears of insecurity. a bit worried i've said too much or something. i should be quiet now, yes? and let this pass, cease the act of speaking while simultaneously scared of introspectiveness. or at least too deep a dive into it. maybe it's just the monotony of days tugging at the right side of my brain. or the slight desperation talking into my left ear. but the hope i have is a curious thing. i want to wear more dresses. red ones. i should. i will. maybe some green and yellow ones, too.

there are crazy christians afoot. firing the sacred souls. shooting them between the eyes with southern hospitality. saying we are god's chosen people, and no one does a better job than us. we are the blessers of benefactors. these bastards of beasts. knitting a blanket over truth over themselves. wrapping up in the warmth of close-mindedness. i'm being melodramatic. half truths always. if i could only be so eloquent. i'll probably just end up saying, "you're a fucking bitch, and no one likes you." while violently gesturing with my large hands. i should paint my nails red too.

anyway.

the moral of the story is, it's almost finished. i'm confused and excited. perplexed because i've become so peaceful. then confused by peace, i'm getting frantic. oh woe is me. not really. no. really. seriously. i just diagnosed myself with an unfamiliar disorder. i'm sure you've never heard of it. the ailment involves too many words flocking the the forefront for my brain at the same time. it's like an imaginary blood clot, only with words, not blood. that's when the emotional fits begin. ohdear. last night i drank a good red wine. it was pleasing.