i ate a can of beans, only to realize later that they had expired exactly four years ago this month. but what does that even mean, really. i stared at the empty bowl for a time. then decided not to think anything of it. tonight i work. it's my second day. as we closed up on the first day of my employment i asked another worker if we were permitted to buy a beer from the restaurant and drink it as we cleaned the place up. she paused and eyeballed me. and after a few seconds flatly said, "no." it seemed like a pretty reasonable question to me, but the judgments had poured from her eyes, and i knew that she thought i was a lush. well shit. i can't seem to remember how to make friends anymore.

apologies for all the shitty writing. i've been drinking a bit less, so it might improve. in the sense that i won't drunkenly plop down in front of this computer and start typing. it always seems like such a good idea at the time. i guess i have more to think about than write about. to compensate for this i've been making lots of collages. many nude ladies from the 50's. which strikes me as pretty scandalous for the time. i've started making story boards instead of lists, for the things i have to do. today i felt french. i have no money for cigarettes. i like neutral milk hotel a lot. my job is a terror. the amount i talk to myself is at a record high. i don't know what i expected. well, actually i think i did expect this. fancy that. wow, i can't believe you just read that.