it doesn't matter how i sing it. only i can hear my fearfulness. only i can hear my peace. and i suppose i could maybe say it is such a specific enough way, that the muffled melody i'm playing might be picked up. vaguely. very faintly. but it's all within me. and it drives me to drinking. and it makes me to sleeping for hours. every emotion creeps up on padded feet. sometimes softly touching me. mostly stabbing in the back. but i rarely turn to confront it. i might face it, but its eyes are more intimidating than mine. and its teeth are always gnashing. it is a vampiric. and makes my skin feel restless. i'm sure it wouldn't be so bad. if i could rebuke it. but when one is in a fearful state, it's hard enough to breath. to do anything to save yourself. and this is ridiculous. and where do these thoughts come from. they are spoken to me, from behind me left ear, i have to you a few times before. they come to me again and again. i am not strong enough. they reinvent themselves. they are silvery shape shifters, and they know how to pull me under. and they know that they are good at it. i am stupid human. i am susceptible to the secret lies that pour into me. i'm begging you for help. i am debilitated. catatonic. immobilized. all there is is sleeping and intoxication. my eyes are heavy. i am not meant for this world. desperately i try to avoid it, and am even bad at that. i've fallen right into lukewarm water. i create my own death daily. i am bruised and beaten down by my own thoughts and actions. how can one live freely when it seems that what they are is what is killing them. i am being melodramatic, but serious. i cannot live like this. i am tired. and hungry. and in need of refuge.
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