{the world just screams and falls apart.}

i had a dream you were still alive.
playing Mozart records in the basement
and you whistle like you always did
when it hit your favourite part.

i had a dream you were still alive.
like i could feel your stubble on
my face when you kiss me
and we do our special signals together.

i had a dream you were still alive.
wearing your brown plaid shirts.
wearing your brown plaid shirts.
wearing your brown plaid shirts.

cloud destruction experiments.
orgone energy. yeah.
Ether, God and Devil.
Charles R. Kelley.

+

at any rate. that image as a whole is visually gratifying to me. i don't know about all this "orgone energy" or "life force", but it's all pretty interesting to read about if you have nothing better to do than waste time and not drink.

what to do.. treat my days well. and use them wisely. i have a hard time being productive at my house. and writing about it now, as in, the simple act of writing about my inactivity or inabilities, makes me feel right lame. i'm not a fan of excuses, and i feel like i'm making them. justification is a joke. a joke. but seriously. i don't like being at home. except for when it's time to sleep. someday i will live alone. it will be best that way. but what do i do now? every time i have asked someone where i should go to college, they always say "how about Puppy University?" or "Dog College." who are these people? and why is it that every time i ask that question there is an canine around, stealing attention, to such an extent, that people make up fake colleges somehow affiliated with puppies/dogs. am i hungry or sick. i can't tell anymore. i feel discomfort. let's lay down my needs:

megan elizabeth henry needs:

- save money.
- to live alone.
- to finish college.
- to decide.

i don't even know what i want to do. film? or writing? or both... yeah. cigarette. d dddd. hello. my name is megan. i am the embodiment of distraction. where am i going. what am i doing. in case you haven't noticed. i very rarely am one for question marks. i love boards of canada. orange. ok. there's a lot to see. and i'm still young enough to contain within myself the sense that i can do anything. and i would like to retain that mentality. bitterness is for bastards. and cynicism for suckers. feed me with a fork and fold me forty times over. the brick roads are begging. and my car is dying. christ is calling on his royal telephone. burl ives. bogdan raczynski. bangladesh. (there goes anton on his bicycle.. i just saw him in a red hat. there he go. "there it go".) what it all boils down to is where i am going. denver it seems. fake cancer. i just have to maintain my focus. i tend to not do that.. and what the hell kind of a name is "burl"?