cleaning tirades. the focus keeps shifting onto the less important things. like the cupboards. and what's in them. and how. the rices goes in between the beans and the flour. tea on the bottom shelf, as it is most often used. easy access is key. initially i was hungry. and searching for food somehow translated into tearing the kitchen apart. finding cake mix. i should bake a cake. and make some pies. not for my own consumption, but for the sake of productivity. i had an agenda once. a list of things to do. i lost it somewhere along the line.
today is overcast and cold. my roommate is stoned and giggling. i glance at her, and she tells me to shut up.
i keep daydreaming. mostly about sex. but only with imaginary people. who don't exist. i didn't take my vitamins today. i should do that.
not that i want to have sex at all. the level of intimacy i might be able to conjure would be equivalent to shaking hands. and i don't want to fuck. or be fucked. the notion disgusts me.
1 comment:
my dearest
it's been a long time since we last exchanged notes, although this is not a reflection of lack of affection on my behalf, just of a rather hectic summer too-soon-turned autumn.
the thought of you on the other side of the ocean is always comforting, although i can't tell why, perhaps because i know i'll meet you one day, and it will be like seeing an old friend after many years.
i hope you're well. i am bouncing around europe. restless. trying to start my own thing, but you know how it is... so hard. mainly for the brain.
anyway, someone left a random comment on my blog today to a post which was - in fact - about sex, or better about some books that have been written about men's sexuality.
and for some reason, when i visited his blog, i thought about you. perhaps because he believes in the misterious power of connections. and so do i. and so do you. so there you go, three people randomly connected by this strange, delicate thread of electronic pulses.
http://onesongperweek.blogspot.com/
i thought his idea was sweet. i hope he succeeds. his music - i think - isn't bad. but i am getting a little too old to be able to judge.
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