{common.}

drinking lackadaisically. they said, this what we do. this is why we're here. and music played beneath the bathroom tiles. and little mice silently scurried past the feet of dreaming damsels in supposed distress. but it was real. i was real and who knew. i've hurt many different feelings time and again. unintentional. opening doors and screaming, where is the music. why can't i hear it? i want it more than the sun. but i've spent so many hours talking pointless garble. to people i don't care. making plans for nothing. saying sorry. and, how do you like it? telling stories i shouldn't speak aloud. in an attempt for them to know me. this is silly. the rains came down. and the floods came up. and god wants me. i wanted them to find me.
on the kitchen floor
chiming bird calls.
i have always wanted them to find me here.
but never realized that i don't exist in any present moment.
i made my bed back then
and am now just starting to find for myself
what here is really like.

take me
back
to being
where
i was
when i was
born.
and just
began
breathing.
for the
first
time.

baby Boy was born a deer.
we walked down
city streets with
heavy feet and
mutual friends.
brushed each
other's hair.
painted our eyes
with gold leaf.
fell asleep
in wet clothes.
danced at the
disco. drank.
and kept each
other sane.
trying to remember
where we started. on that day
too many years ago
when and where we both
started smoking cigarettes.
and allowing ourselves
to love someone special.

baby Girl was
born a bird.
we walked down
city streets in
fancy shoes. and
mutual friends.
painted our nails
together. did our
hair up nice.
fell asleep
with faces
for too long.
danced in the
car. drank.
kept each other mostly sane.
trying to remember how we ended
up where we were.
from that day too many years ago.
when and where we'd placed our disregarded cigarettes.
and allowing ourselves to love
someone we shouldn't.




my mother can't
find me through
the phone calls
and the letters.
she cries.
my daughter.
baby girl.
i love you.




the last.

save yourself.
gather what you can.
it's a dog eat dog world.
and this ship has already hit
the briny deep..

these are the shoes we wear in secret.
and the ones we show everyone else.

keeps me
from floating away.

i'd still like to touch
your belly.
bleeding for touch and attention.
firm and smooth.
like love should be.
but it's always dysfunctional you said.
while we smoked.

i would love to touch you.
your belly full of faults.
your face full of pity.
your heart full of lust.
but never for me.