i press into my thighs
where bones should be
i consistently assume so
the delectable melodic euphony of
tendons and moving muscular tissue
florescent pulsing white lights
and she is all mine
designed for no one else but me
i consistently assume so

*****

all the things that sound

so much better
in my head (?)

contaminated
by a form of tangibility
the inevitable flaw of text

i’d like to see through equivalent
eyes, if you don’t mind
me
perpetually going in and out
the revolving doors
of your brain

*****

we are so frail
so fragile
i am self-sufficient
i am self-reliable
-indulgent
and i don’t need anyone

why are you knocking
why aren’t you knocking harder
for every breath i take
i should hear some sort of sound
the pounding of a heart
the grinding and gnashing of teeth
we are strange carnivorous creatures
licking our chops
with such a taste for red meat
soak up the blood with my bones
and devour them too why don’t you
take as much as you like
i don’t need it or anyone
everything bleeds itself dry eventually anyway

teeth aren’t for smiling
they shouldn’t sparkle
they shouldn’t be so white
only assisting in the fallacies

i forget to breathe
i forget where i am
i forget how to blink my eyes
at times

live alone,
i say
i will

i seem to have misplaced my memory of
how to do the things that people do
on a regular basis
and all i ever wanted was some sort of affirmation
to know that things arewhattheyare and hereiswhy
and thisiswhatwearegoingtodo about that
and this is where i stand on the issue of you
my attitude

don’t forget why i took a precious breath against your forehead
so that you could feel who i am
your skin cells grazed by a product of me
so that i would leave an infectious mark
it seemed so real and sincere
to me anyway

i’ve lost myself
i don’t know where i went

everyday i continually question this person in my head and
(kindly)
ask them to leave me be
i don’t know who you are
i don’t know what you want from me
i did ask once, but you said nothing
i know what i have to do
and i don’t need anyone

often times
i question who
i am ranting at
and why
only knowing now and then

*****

i have resumed
the perpetuation of pulling out my hair
and strand by strand
delicately selected by fingertips
it all falls to the ground



********** *



oh-

here comes the day.
so we meet again.