i'm don't know what i'm saying
i have to do this to understand myself
put some clarity to my thoughts
feel emotionally and sexually satisfied
i get off to this love
if i could fuck myself, i would
and if that were enough
i could live alone completely
safe and sound in solitude
i wouldn't be so scared
of the periodic spells of overwhelming
loneliness and my aesthetic falibilities
i wouldn't be so give
wouldn't mind the absence of my take

+

change the act of sight
she said
eyelids fluttered frantically
while i slept that night
dreaming
about wolves
just like my dad did
the eyes rolled back
in the sockets
and exposed slivers of bloodshot
white
wrapped in lashes
still in rapid eye cycle i
half woke up and paralyzed i
lie there
whimpering and water
filled fogged my vision
i heard coyotes howling at the full
moon and i thought
the whole ordeal seemed reminiscent of
everything cheap
or some cliched phrase
making it all the more
frightening

+

i crawled across the counter to you
staring up with eyes red and swollen
bloodshot and frantically wet
screaming bloody murder about
something i don't know
i don't even remember
but you weren't even there
and neither was i
actually i was sitting in my car
dreaming about how i wished
something like that would happen
in fact
i don't even know where you are
but i knew you'd get there

+

i think everything is okay
when i'm alone
i go in and out of knowing myself
i can never really tell
but that's alright with me as long
as i know where i stand
sometimes i get too hypertonic
i shrivel up, insides shrinking
it's uncomfortable, it kills
i don't want that, you don't mean it
i know where you stand
but whatever, what's the hurry

+

i ran into a fortyfive on the street the other day and i said hey i was just thinkin about you and he asked me how i was so i gave the obvious answer then he told me we had a date to make but not right now not yet he'd catch up with me later on down the road i said oh and didn't know whether or not i should be disappointed but i guess it's okay i suppose i can wait a while longer for us to finally place our mouths over one another and my eyes and words will dart like bullets my teeth will click like hammers when i smile and life will be lived very fast until that final day life will be a pistol.



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