righteously doing nothing.[chorus]

did i tell you i loved you before i left. i know i did. but it's truer to me now. and i think of it often when i talk to myself at dawn when i'm sitting staring tongue at rest. when i'm listening to the world happening around me. resenting it with raw amazement. sad for this. i am anxious and lonely for it. disappointment and less for it. more because i treat it wisely. but everywhere love goes i cannot follow. and everywhere they say they love me i cannot concede. for the sake of righteousness. and when they mean it (look me in eye with meaning i know you i see it in the beautifully deep set look sparking faintly far beyond the brain cells and synapses and chemicals i know your words i see it i see it i know it's there and feel the longing which is hidden deep within myself crying out to be released in secret getting louder while i gaze back casually smile and say i know it is true let us be good people beyond it while i ache and love still. i thought i knew these things before and didn't. within myself, a fool.) i believe them, but can do nothing. we are such good friends, aren't we now. i will love to death. as in my own, and never allow myself the capacity. let me explain that goodness (pining over goodness while i see darker parts telling me what love is i sleep and dream of bodies unproductively shut up stop it is not beneficial it is fruitless evil in my head and i can't close my eyes to eradicate it when i am dreaming i am not a good friend i am not a good person i see through clothes and know i am beautiful so love me please when i am lonely you will love me within myself i look and know love is there and make it mine but only within myself questioning whether this is evil it has potential i will love within myself and undress within myself and bathe within my dreams wash my back while i lie awake in blankets dreaming of fingertips moving hands up the spine and love me for all i am it comforts me i will make you do it and make this mine and only for me. only within myself, a fool.) it is the action of clarity and understanding. and i love what i have in others. but have they any idea what this is like. this sacrificial lamb. it seems i've been made to love and die with nothing to show for it. that's a lie. i have these friends. and this love. myself at dawn. inside this head is a loudness now. and within myself these darker parts will lie awake loudly in secret screaming. i cannot calm them. did i tell you we are equal before i left. i know i did not.