{mistah toad.}

apparently, i'm mildly dyslexic. i don't know exactly how true that is, but it's what my mom told me. i always "earned" B's in reading, all throughout elementary school. spelling was about the same. but when a student managed all A's at the end of each quarter, they were bestowed a gold star sticker on their quarterly completion certificate, or whatever the hell that waste of paper was. hundreds, i tell you, were received each year as a child, for my education, sports, essay contests, spelling bees, you name it. today i possess none of these. i remember the instant in which i realized they were of absolutely no worth to me. trash can.

so i could never make the (proverbial or literal? either/or?) A in reading. and at the end of every term, i sat, in my row, while (most) everyone else floated gleefully to the front of the sanctuary. to be admired for their hard and honest work, and rewarded with delicious candies to boot. there were always a few other kids with me. the ADHD kid, the obviously stupid one, the rebel. we sat. and i remember trying to keep my eyes as wide open as i possibly could. attempting to make space for the tears that were beginning to flood my vision, causing the rest of the world bleed together. until it became a simple smear of colour, partnered by the ever monotone voice of a principal, slowly trailing off, becoming muted. as my thoughts take over.

the other day at school, i was reading Fables, which, mind you, i totally should not have been doing, as it is not appropriate school reading material. but i couldn't put it down. and as i was on the last comic, about Old King Cole, a kindergartner came over and asked me to read to him. i told him i had to finish the book first before i could read it to anyone. he asked what it was about. "what do you think it's about? look at the pictures. who do you see?" "well, there's the dish and the spoon, three blind mice, the cat and in the fiddle..." "and mr.toad and badger..." so we talked about The Wind in the Willows for some time. then yesterday, he came to me with a copy of The Wind in the Willows, which he had rented from the library, and told me that every since i had told him about mr.toad, he couldn't wait to rent The Wind in the Willow- and now i had to read it to him. so i got to read it to the kids during aftercare. i love to read to children. it is one of the most entertaining aspects of my job. i love doing funny voices (which usually entail burly, cockney accents, or absolute nerdery.) for everyone and gesturing with my hands and making crazy expressions. it's the most fun. and i've become such an excellect oral reader. so in your face gold star. i didn't want you anyway.