{what it takes to remember all that work to forget.}

"how are you?"
"i'm good- i'm well- rather..."

correction: nausea. my eyes are filled with steam. as though they might fully solidify like a couple of hard-boiled eggs. thick yolky retinas. i eat clouds. i bake cakes. endlessly. it's no use. you are not welcome here. don't .

i've set my mind to something. i'm upset. my thoughts are eating me alive. but i ain't licked yet. establish the works of my hands. hear my cry. with pockets fulla sticks. thoughts filled with dreaming. days are a dangerous reality. i am in avoidance. the ability to balance a waking life. feels hard to come by. the blessing called sleep. i need a moment.. last night bore tremendous nightmares. you were there. an amalgamation of thoughts and prayers. of life and love and dreaming about everything. in that place. i was just as much your child. as when you were thirty-three. today my fingers paw at paper cups. seeking warmth blindly. so similar to nightly gnawings. anymore. i can't stay awake long enough to wonder. but please. take me with you. i want to stay in that place. it's much more magical than mine. here. it feels that way. although, they're very much the same.

i want to tell stories. somehow. get ready / i'm preparing / for another adventure / these days / craving wilderness / the land / i will prepare / i am preparing / my body will be ripe / my spirit / i've been granted life / now i'm going to succeed / be righteous oh! traveller / take on yourself / take on the world and flesh and death / they cannot have me / they are not welcome / they are not worthy / as i am not worthy / here in this place / and these days scream / God and soil / an ancient self / there is much to prove / and i have a lot to do with these days / and everything is dreaming.