Okay, sort of better. Sometimes emotions clog my understanding. I know that he has no emotion, I always have. And I know why. He won't change, I can't make him and don't want to. I'd rather him get hurt really bad, and have someone else lift him up. That sounds mean. Maybe it is, I'm not sure. But it seems like the only thing that would work. But the fact of the matter is that I shouldn't care anymore. It's not worth my emotional strain. Now I can stop asking stupid question like, "Do you love me," because it doesn't matter. I can do without it. But when I think about all the time I've invested, and all the compassion for another human being that I have in my heart, it makes me sad to think it wasn't necessarily worth it. It wasn't worth anything at all. And I knew this would happen, two years ago I knew and didn't care, but I wish I would have. Now I feel like my life is in shambles because of this. I think maybe I'm feeling so nuts is because I'm going through withdraw from my birthcontrol shot. I don't know what the man is putting into those. I can tell you that there is probabaly zero chance of baby-making, but I'm not getting that shit put into me again. Fucked me up right good. I'm such a tool. Fuck me. Well, on that note, I'm gonna put some shoes on and go people watching. It oughta chear me up before I go to the workatorium.