So I keep loosing the "spirit" of things. I believe it started with Easter. As a wee child I loved going Easter egg hunting, but after a time it became dull and too easy. I still like Easter, only because Easter means Jelly beans galore, and man do I love jelly beans. So yeah, Easter was the first to go. Then came Thanksgiving I believe. Once I educated myself on what the early "settlers" were really like, and what really happened, and how Thanksgiving is the stupidest made up holiday ever, I lost the feeling of thanks and Americanism. I suppose it is nice to spend time with family, but the norm is that families only gather because of these stupid holidays. I can't determine whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. It could go either way I guess. Then came Christmas. Not only was it important in a Biblical sense to me (all lies) but there was also that warm Christmas spirit in the air come December 25th. Nat King Cole singing traditional Christmas song, the vents blasting warm air, the smell of cinnomin (no idea how to spell that) presents, and the idea of new things, candy, food, everything that is good and warm. I lost that about three years ago, and it makes me sad. I wish I still felt all these warm feelings. But one year I just never got into it. And then it was over, and I didn't really care, either. Now my birthday means nothing. It's a fun idea, but a stupid one. Yeah, one more year, alive and stuff. I don't feel old or anything like that. I just don't care. I think it has something to do with the fact that last year, my dad lost his job two weeks before my 18th birthday. That birthday was a big deal to me for whatever reason. I think everyone can understand the notion that there is just something significant about turning 18. And my family had great plans. We were gonna go to Chicago, and do fun stuff, and such. A fun birthday was at hand. But then daddy lost his job, and we didn't do anything. We couldn't afford to do anything. I think I got some earrings that I didn't like. And that was it, and a ring from my boyfriend. But that was a really excellent gift, so that was cool. The best gift however was from my little brother Mac. He was I think 14 at the time. He is so creative and funny. He Photocopied his face and made himself saying "Happy Birthday Megan," taped that to a lunchbox with the cast from the show "Taxi" on it (weird) and in that box was one of those tin cases for a trial AOL thing, and in THAT was twenty dollars. It was just so silly, and I loved it. I was just really depressed about the whole situation, and he made it so much better. My other brother didn't give me anything, until my mom made him give me ten dollars. I still hold a bit of a grudge about that. I just have this weird thing about getting gifts. It just seems like no one really thinks about gifts anymore. I don't know. People try, but don't put much thought into gift buying. They may think they do, but I don'y think so. I like getting gifts, but I'm used to not getting them. Even though I'm not used to it because it still disapoints me when I don't get them. I don't know if that makes sense. My mom buys really bad gifts. I know she means well, and is very sincere in her purchases, but she can never get it right. I'll bet I'm a bad gift giver too, but I love getting people gifts. I think that some of the things I get people are too weird. Like I gave my dad a Kenyan stone sculpture last year. I thought it was really cool. The design was intersting, but not too bizarre. And we own other things that it would match with. I wonder if he liked it... I dunno. I got my mother some silver earings. But she doen't wear them. I really love getting people gifts. It makes me happy. Man am I rambling. I think I'm gonna go to bed now.