*


no assistance in sadness
i can't help you
behind the murmur
of numerous voices and conversation
only able to deal with myself
with such an ugly face
the quivering muscles of my chin
sitting and feeling more awkward
than i've felt all night
beyond my social panic attacks
extending multiple layers of depression
i am incoherent
i am incapable of creating solace
and the silence of your thoughts
my nose wrinkles with failure
no one can help anyone
you talk too little
i talk too much
and the other way around
it's cancelled out
and all is for nothing

there's your laugh
the white of your teeth
the squint of eyes
and why did i even try
when you never needed help
fuck the both of us
for ever caring
we don't know anything
and we didn't help


********************************** * ****


left alone and undesirable
screams and cheers don't mean a thing
when together we set, but
you've walked past a million times
all alone
look no hands
who's screaming now
we should bask in psychological solitude
never doing anything
dogs scratching at the door
for our own
heaven sakes
drink this, sit here, and wait
boy and girl together
i had hallucinations of love
how is this emotion imaginably pretendable
all that i know is i cried
that's tangible, right.
that's sincere
you've walked past a million times
while my stomach turned
maybe you kept moving
so that i would.
all the yelling still
told to sit and help, lend a hand, i didn't
i sat,
proving to myself that i have no point
why didn't we land on our feet


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =+= +++


again this happens
it drips down the walls
tastes like limes and alcohol
reciting my life is all i do
why are these people here
who are they, talking always
loving people, -i do,
but shut up, please.
because now i'm crying over your voices
sounding so sweet
and content with life
i lost that feeling
years ago, it went
out the car window, automatic
six months it feltso nice
my faith in emotion is gone
nothing is reliable, like love
for instance, never knowing
its pessimisms
except in the lovely faces, the new, the fresh
that look so true
and happy for this and that
over something i've never
fully tasted, never will
stop talking
the sounds of security
kill me, cutting deep

do you mean it.
please do.
give me false hope.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~ ~


i've been hit
like a ton of falling bricks
questioning the silent ones
i think they're picking
my brain apart
but full of misinterpretations
can't stand the smell of it

there's the hollowed sound
of rain hitting snow
i love the fresh air
when it's filtered by smoke
there they are picking
at guitar strings
i am an oyster

we sift through the gutters
i'm all too green
these dark days so great
i want to drive into
a solid brick wall
i've been hit
i've done it again
all too cool and casual
tired and hysterical



*