my face feels long
but i realize it's as round as a moon melon
i like to walk home in the wretched cold weather
while the wind beats my face into burning
everyone is too hung up on the heat
but feeling the cold against me
makes for far too much goodness
i dance down the sidewalk listening to something bells
and almost wishing i had someone to share any sort
of stupid moment with
ain't no thing
has no meaning
it's just a life i'm living alone
while the rest watches sometimes
most times they don't even bother to look
which is fine
everyone i work with thinks i'm half dumb
i say things that only make the sense to me
i get drunk in the tub and talk to myself
i pick up trash and eat from dumpsters
and am okay with all these things
but the moments where my brains goes eighteen different places i wish i had someone to just distract me for a bit
so i could collect myself
and not be so congested with unreal notions of nothing
or write stupid things for people to read
and wish they hadn't wasted so much time on words
not like they had anything better to do
believe me, i know
i'd like to not be so distracted
by my desire for a physical distraction
i can't turn myself off
and escape into my thoughts
so as not to deal with the world as it is
i'd like to make my own, thank you
and out of desperation
for something i can't quite wrap my knuckles around
i bake blueberry muffins
and eat them all at once
wishing i had more than powdered milk
which i'm developing a taste for gradually
when you're broke you'll eat just about anything
when you're alone, you'll take long walks
just the exhaust yourself into the absence of thought
you will take too many baths so that you feel warm
on the outside and not on account of your own heat
you'll lay on the carpet and stare out windows
or into space and question the cosmos
because clearly, things aren't working out for you
ask me how i know
you'll drink too much and ramble confusing topics
into stranger's faces
until they walk away
or threaten to call the police
it only meant something to you anyway
i'm really just talking to hear my own thoughts
because there are so many of them
i can't seem to make any coherent sense anywhere
within my own life
and like i've said so many times over
everyone is trying so hard
and sometimes they aren't even striving
towards a particular end
they are simply in a vicious loop
of their own creation
telling themselves that they are trying
and they don't know where the end is
because they aren't making it for themselves
just waiting on something that doesn't exist
until you breath your own life into it